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A Thunk on the Head

Have you ever had a spiritual “thunking?” A moment when God whacks you on the head with something so simple but profound you wonder how you missed it for so long? It happened to me this week.

I sat down to read Souvenirs of Solitude by Brennan Manning and bam! In the first chapter, God pounded me with this thought: “Have you grappled with the core question of your faith, which is not  ‘Is Jesus God-like?’ but ‘Is God Jesus-like?’”

On some level I’ve always known this, but this week God is calling me to truly understand it. Does your God remain aloof on the throne of heaven doling out blessings or curses as He sees fit? Or do you follow a God who willingly accepts poverty and persecution so He can display his love for you? Think about Jesus’ life and correlate it to how you perceive God.  I can barely wrap my head around the fact that God…the creator of all things…knelt down in front of some lowly fishermen and washed their feet. A job reserved for the lowest of slaves and God chose to do that why? To show us his love.

As Easter approaches I am struck anew with the anguish not only Jesus suffered, but God as well. God poured the essence of who He was into Christ and watched us reject Him, mock Him, beat Him and kill Him. We rejected not only God’s son, but God himself. That He would willingly forgive any of us after we so cruelly refused to accept Him…it is incomprehensible. Manning writes God saying, “You have no idea of how much I love you. The moment you think you understand is the moment you do not understand.” I pray I never think I understand God’s love for me but that He will open my eyes each day to the ways in which He does.

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God Moments

It happened just the other day. I felt myself freezing in panic. My chest tightened, my lungs couldn’t expand. I leaned against the kitchen counter and tried to get myself under control.

What had caused this anxiety attack?

Plain and simple fear of the unknowns in life.

For a minute I let myself be consumned by all the negative things that could happen to my well-ordered world. I started dwelling on the “what ifs” and  lost all sense of God’s providence and His desire to give the best to His children.

In no mood to face the world I still forced myself to get in my car and drive to work. Along the way, I put on some praise songs and let my heart cry out to the Lord. Just help me to know you’re in control. Help me see that you care!

A friend met me in the parking lot.  She handed me a gift bag. “I got you something.”

I stared at it. “Why?”

“I found these over the weekend. I bought one for me and my daughter. I thought you might like one too.”

I pulled out a small box. God’s Heart was stamped in gold letters along the top. Inside was a beautiful silver bracelet. Gold and silver letters spelled out G O D in the shape of a heart.

I cried.

God had spoken to my friend’s heart and moved her to buy this gift for me, knowing that several days later I would treasure the assurance it gave me that He is in control and loves me.

I pray that God would give you such a moment this week. A random act of kindness or uplifting word that would bless your heart and convince you of His unending love for you.

                                                     

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Come Awake!

The title for this week’s blog comes from Matt Maher’s beautiful song “Christ is Risen!” In it Maher calls us to “Come Awake, come awake! Come and rise up from the grave!”

Today these lyrics hit me in a number of different ways because of phone call. My sister’s father-in-law died last week. I had known him well as I grew up down the street from him and often played with his youngest son. As the family grieves their loss I am praying that they can be consoled by the knowledge that even at the moment of death Christ was calling out to their father, “Come awake! Come awake! Come and live with me in paradise!”

But this morning I am feeling the call in my own life. “Come awake! Come and rise up from the grave!” Not the grave of the dead but of the sleep of this world. I admit, I’ve been holding on tight to the dreams and aspirations of this life. I want success as a writer, I want to rennovate my house, I want a thinner body and less wrinkles. I want, I want, I want.

I feel as though that phone call last week woke me out of a nightmare. I’ve come awake and I don’t have to continue the dream. I can chose to change my focus. I pray my eyes might be open to the needs around me and that I have the courage to step out of my comfort zone to help those that God puts in my life.

I also pray that whoever reads this might be reminded that our life here is fleeting and temporary. Take a moment to tell those around you that you love them. Forgive old wounds while there’s still time. Give a hug, make a phone call, write a note…before it’s too late.

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God Laughs

I am convinced God has a sense of humor. Seriously, have you looked at a platypus?

I heard once that if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans! I’m convinced there’s some truth in that joke. You ever notice how if you pray for patience the next several days will be fraught with situations that make you want to tear your hair out? I know it’s God giving us a chance to work on that patience thing, but it’s no fun to go through.

I had a similar situation last week (see the previous blog!) I came home from a conference on fire to be a better person, not focused on myself, but putting other people first. And what have I done all week? Whined and complained and fretted about me and my feelings.

Ugh.

I hate being so weak.

But then again, I learned something. Not necessarily something new, in fact it’s quite an old lesson, but this past week clarified the teaching for me. I am at my strongest when I am weak. I had the arrogance to think I could change myself.

“Ha!” God laughed. Then He sent me a situation I tried to handle myself and failed miserably at.

And so I finally went to Him in prayer. And guess what? The situation is still there but I’m not trying to fix it. I’m asking for God’s help and already my heart is lighter. On our own we are weak but with God all things are possible. Even the changing of our hearts!

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Lessons Learned

I set off  for Denver last Thursday just hoping to stay awake on the long eight hour drive.  Gratefully, a good friend and my IPod kept me alert until I reached my destination–the Christian Writers Guild Conference. I’d been praying about the conference for several weeks, just asking for direction for my writing and for my future.

God delivered!

My first spiritual “thumping” came from none other than Christian author Liz Curtis Higgs. After an inspiring message about God’s faithfulness to give us the desires of our heart I had the pleasure of talking with her one-on-one for a moment while getting a book signed. She asked me what I wrote and told her I loved to write fiction but seemed to be selling more non-fiction pieces this year. I’d wondered whether it was a sign. She sat back in her chair and seemed to size me up. Then she leaned forward, stared into my eyes and said “Write your passion.”

I heard an audible “click” in my brain. Others have told me the same thing but somehow, having this stranger say it made me shiver.

Other Key note speakers talked about living life to the fullest. It’s a call I heeded at the beginning of last year but then fizzled out on. The flame has been rekindled. I don’t want to sit back and let life happen around me, I want to experience it–fear, excitement, joy and sorrow.

The final lesson was, I believe the most important. It was actually a question posed by the devotion leader on the first day of the conference- “How do people feel when they are with you?”

Ouch.

So often I find myself concerned with my own feelings and needs, I don’t even stop to consider how I’m making others feel. But no more. I’m going to make a conscious effort to think of others first, to help them before myself and try to build up those around me. I want people I’m with to feel better about themselves and about their lives. We all have problems, what we need are a few more smiles!

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Characters in Search of a Plot

Some writers I know swear that there is no such thing as writer’s block. They believe we can push through and create stories even when our imaginations seem to have dried up and shriveled away like a tumbleweed on the prarie. Or perhaps a better analogy this week would be our creativity floats away like a snowflake in a blizzard!

Maybe that’s true. Maybe it’s just plain hubris keeping me from writing anything new on my latest fictional work, but I don’t think so. I’m tired. I’m dry and I just can’t hear my characters talk to me. I guess if I wasn’t such a stickler for writing what actually had to be in the story, I wouldn’t be so hard pressed to come up with something new. Maybe I just need to let my characters wander around a bit, spend some time just letting them be boring and mundane until I see what has to happen next to make the plot move.

Right now my characters just want to sit inside on a cold winter’s day and play cards. Perhaps that’s not such a bad idea. I’ll bet many a great plan was hatched over a game of gin rummy.

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Disappointments and Determination

It’s a bitter pill to take-this cycle of submitting work and being rejected. Like a rat in some evil experiment we authors get just enough encouragement to keep trying to reach the cheese.

And yet, we are a hearty lot. Determined to turn ideas into stories and put words to paper. We keep slogging through the rejection letters (or e-mails now) and trying. Against the ever blowing winds of publisher’s demands and the public’s taste we strive to write what’s in our hearts and get it read.

So kudos to all my writing friends! After my own disappointment this week I wanted to salute you! Your courage and dedication to your craft inspires me to continue through the maze! Your encouragement and critiques have made me a better writer and for that I thank you!

I know that one day, if we continue through the maze, we’ll reach that piece of cheese. Publication!

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Waiting for Godot…or the Mailman

I woke up this morning thinking about Samuel Beckett’s play Waiting for Godot. This was odd for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is that I haven’t seen or read the play in almost two years. To top it off, I don’t even like it. I’ve never understood it. Until this morning.

If you’re not familiar with this existential comic-drama, the entire play centers on two characters, Estragon and Vladimir, tramps in the middle of nowhere who spend two acts waiting for a person named Godot, who never appears. In the meantime, their ramblings about their past escapades and their present futility are interrupted only by the random appearance of two other travelers, Lucky and Pozzo, who momentarily side track the tramps from their obsession with Godot.

Weird right? Imagine waking up thinking about that!! But it occurred to me that like Estragon and Vladimir I too have been waiting for Godot. Oh, I’m not waiting for a mythical character to pop into my life to change my circumstances, but I’ve been anxiously looking out for the mailman everyday and checking my e-mail for news about a contest or submission. Like the two tramps, I’ve been focusing on what might be coming instead of what is here. I’ve been worried about what news the mailman could be bringing instead of trusting God to direct my path and having the courage to step out in faith.

After contemplating Godot and spending time in prayer I think I’m finally ready to stop waiting for what I hope will happen and start living the life that I’ve been given. I don’t want to end up like Vladimir and Estragon, stuck on the same road for eternity. And so today I’ll be busy working on new proposals, new stories and new opportunities!  I’ll be much too busy to be waiting for Godot…or the mailman!

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Christmas Blessings and Hopes for the New Year

The packages have been unwrapped, the roast eaten and all the Christmas traditions have been adhered to. Now is the time to sit back and contemplate the past year and think about what I’d like to accomplish in the new year.

I began the year with some lofty goals: dreams of getting publishing contracts, mountains climbed and grand, charitable endeavors. I guess I accomplished most of these, but on a scale much smaller than I’d anticipated. I’ve had articles published in two books and a story published in a magazine. Two other articles will be published early next year. My charitable work has remained closer to home than the mission trips I’d hoped to take, but I like to think that the elderly I work with and the missionaries we support have been touched by the help and money we gave this year. I didn’t climb a mountain, but I did stomp on some grapes…not quite the same thing but a lot more fun!

As for next year, I’d still like to get a contract for a novel, I still want to climb a mountain, I still want to go on a mission trip. But mostly, I want to strive to seek God first this year—every day in everything I do. The Bible says God longs to give us the desires of our hearts. I hope to get my will in line with God’s this year so that all my dreams are fulfilled in Him. I’m rather tired of trying to realize success by this world’s standards and hope to find my satisfaction by living the life God has chosen for me. That is the one goal I truly hope I meet in 2011.

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas. God bless you all with a wonderful, safe and healthy New Year!

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Traditions

I went to a Christmas party last Friday night where the topic of traditions was discussed. It’s funny how certain things get so ingrained into our heads at a young age that to stray from them would mean the end of the world. Okay, maybe not the end of the world, but certainly a major jolt in the whole space time continuum.

My family has a certain unwritten check-list that must be adhered to before Christmas can arrive. The movies “The Christmas Story” and “Scrooge” must be watched-the first as close to Thanksgiving as possible and the second  preferably on Christmas Eve. The book “The Best Christmas Pageant Ever” must be read aloud with all of us yelling “Behold! Unto you a child is born!” ala Gladys Herdman at the end of the story.

We’re allowed to open one present after attending Christmas Eve service. That gift is always a set of new jammies. That way, we all look nice for pictures on Christmas morning. We also stay in said jammies throughout Christmas day. The one time we had to make a trip to the ER to suture up my husband’s thumb, I thought my daughter’s heart was going to break, and she didn’t even have to get dressed!

Traditions have a way of centering the holiday for us. It’s not necessarily the movies that are important, or the books that we read, it’s the time we spend together as a family-reconnecting during this hectic, crazy month and remembering Christmases past. There’s a sense of timelessness passed down with our traditions which is appropriate during this holiday. After all, isn’t that what Christmas is all about? Celebrating the timeless gift of our Savior, Jesus Christ, who is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.

What traditions help you and your family celebrate Christmas? Drop me a line and let me know!