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A Thunk on the Head

Have you ever had a spiritual “thunking?” A moment when God whacks you on the head with something so simple but profound you wonder how you missed it for so long? It happened to me this week.

I sat down to read Souvenirs of Solitude by Brennan Manning and bam! In the first chapter, God pounded me with this thought: “Have you grappled with the core question of your faith, which is not  ‘Is Jesus God-like?’ but ‘Is God Jesus-like?’”

On some level I’ve always known this, but this week God is calling me to truly understand it. Does your God remain aloof on the throne of heaven doling out blessings or curses as He sees fit? Or do you follow a God who willingly accepts poverty and persecution so He can display his love for you? Think about Jesus’ life and correlate it to how you perceive God.  I can barely wrap my head around the fact that God…the creator of all things…knelt down in front of some lowly fishermen and washed their feet. A job reserved for the lowest of slaves and God chose to do that why? To show us his love.

As Easter approaches I am struck anew with the anguish not only Jesus suffered, but God as well. God poured the essence of who He was into Christ and watched us reject Him, mock Him, beat Him and kill Him. We rejected not only God’s son, but God himself. That He would willingly forgive any of us after we so cruelly refused to accept Him…it is incomprehensible. Manning writes God saying, “You have no idea of how much I love you. The moment you think you understand is the moment you do not understand.” I pray I never think I understand God’s love for me but that He will open my eyes each day to the ways in which He does.

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God Moments

It happened just the other day. I felt myself freezing in panic. My chest tightened, my lungs couldn’t expand. I leaned against the kitchen counter and tried to get myself under control.

What had caused this anxiety attack?

Plain and simple fear of the unknowns in life.

For a minute I let myself be consumned by all the negative things that could happen to my well-ordered world. I started dwelling on the “what ifs” and  lost all sense of God’s providence and His desire to give the best to His children.

In no mood to face the world I still forced myself to get in my car and drive to work. Along the way, I put on some praise songs and let my heart cry out to the Lord. Just help me to know you’re in control. Help me see that you care!

A friend met me in the parking lot.  She handed me a gift bag. “I got you something.”

I stared at it. “Why?”

“I found these over the weekend. I bought one for me and my daughter. I thought you might like one too.”

I pulled out a small box. God’s Heart was stamped in gold letters along the top. Inside was a beautiful silver bracelet. Gold and silver letters spelled out G O D in the shape of a heart.

I cried.

God had spoken to my friend’s heart and moved her to buy this gift for me, knowing that several days later I would treasure the assurance it gave me that He is in control and loves me.

I pray that God would give you such a moment this week. A random act of kindness or uplifting word that would bless your heart and convince you of His unending love for you.

                                                     

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Waiting for Godot…or the Mailman

I woke up this morning thinking about Samuel Beckett’s play Waiting for Godot. This was odd for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is that I haven’t seen or read the play in almost two years. To top it off, I don’t even like it. I’ve never understood it. Until this morning.

If you’re not familiar with this existential comic-drama, the entire play centers on two characters, Estragon and Vladimir, tramps in the middle of nowhere who spend two acts waiting for a person named Godot, who never appears. In the meantime, their ramblings about their past escapades and their present futility are interrupted only by the random appearance of two other travelers, Lucky and Pozzo, who momentarily side track the tramps from their obsession with Godot.

Weird right? Imagine waking up thinking about that!! But it occurred to me that like Estragon and Vladimir I too have been waiting for Godot. Oh, I’m not waiting for a mythical character to pop into my life to change my circumstances, but I’ve been anxiously looking out for the mailman everyday and checking my e-mail for news about a contest or submission. Like the two tramps, I’ve been focusing on what might be coming instead of what is here. I’ve been worried about what news the mailman could be bringing instead of trusting God to direct my path and having the courage to step out in faith.

After contemplating Godot and spending time in prayer I think I’m finally ready to stop waiting for what I hope will happen and start living the life that I’ve been given. I don’t want to end up like Vladimir and Estragon, stuck on the same road for eternity. And so today I’ll be busy working on new proposals, new stories and new opportunities!  I’ll be much too busy to be waiting for Godot…or the mailman!